Pain is weakness leaving your body 

I have been in a much better place lately than I was. My awareness of my emotions is heightened which is helping me to keep myself in check. The anxiety attacks I was having almost daily have slowed. I have had one or two in a week and a half. 

I have not put much research into Empaths, but what little I have seen regarding them, I feel like I have some tendencies. I feel like this is partly my problem. I am tuned into others and their feelings. Some more than others and especially those I care deeply for. It is exhausting though. Once school is out for the summer, I think I am going to research it a little more.

The past year and a half to two years feels like one big learning experience for me. I have learned so much about myself and others. I feel like I have grown immensely throughout this process as well. I have found a spirituality within myself that brings me peace. I do not believe in organized religion nor do I believe in a higher being. I believe in energy and the universe and this has brought me happiness. It is hard though to move forward from the things I was raised to believe. I have had a hard time freeing myself of guilt that I was taught to feel. I have had a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea of taboo things being okay. I am working toward embracing going with the flow, accepting feelings as they are, seeing people from a different perspective and not living within the boundaries society has set for me. If something feels right, then I am going to go for it. I am working towards trusting myself and my instincts. 

This has not been an easy journey, but it has been worth it. I am in such an amazing place in my life right now. My relationship with my husband is better than it has ever been and I have supportive and wonderful family and friends. I am learning to set boundaries for myself while staying true to who I am. 

All in all, I feel very happy today. Do not get me wrong, not everyday is a happy day for me, but days like today help me realize that there is hope on those bad days and that life does get better. 

Thoughts

I have been feeling more like myself the past couple of days. Which is nice. I feel happier. I have no clue what got into me over the past few weeks, but I didn’t like it at all.

I am trying to live more for my own happiness & to stop sacrificing my happiness for others.

You know when you do things, impulsively & you do not like the person you are becoming because of it? I was having that battle. However, that battle is no more & I am more than ready to move past it.

I am also learning a lot about myself. How I want to treat others. How I want them to treat me. & if they don’t, then I move forward without them. Life is too short to waste any time on people who don’t being a positive energy to your life. I have people who have been sucking the life right out of me & I can’t do it anymore. Friends who do nothing, but complain & bring little positivity to the relationships. Friends who will get mad & take their moods out on me. Friends who are quick to run their mouths about you when you aren’t around.

I don’t have time for those people. Nor do I want to waste my time gossiping, focusing on negativity or being mean. That is all quite exhausting & I need my energy focused elsewhere.

Like learning to love myself. Seeing me the way others see me.

This feels like it’s all over the place. I am going to end this post for now to take a nap. 😊

Xoxoxo