Uninstall and reboot…

Sometimes we need to uninstall some of our bad habits and reboot our thoughts. We truly are our own worst enemies.


“It’s like you assume everyone is going to give up on you”

This is something I astriggle with daily. Ever since I was little I have always felt like people will give up on me. It’s been a fear of mine. Abandonment. The sad thing is I am the one who is quickest to give up on me. 😔

Defective friend.

I feel like I need to come with a warning label when people come into my life.

Defective friend.

Or maybe I am just damaged & defective in general. I say this for a couple reasons, but right now I want to focus on what kind of friend I am.

I am the kind of friend who will be all in. You will get my 100%. Provided I “let you in”. I am loyal & will give you the shirt off my back. 

Until I feel like there is a chance I can get hurt. Then I become distant. My wall starts to grow to prevent myself from feeling emotional pain. This is something I battle with often. This is something I feel like I will battle with for the rest of my life.

This is a battle I am currently losing. 😔


I feel lost. Confused. Anxious. Always anxious. I am disappointed in myself. I know better. I know right from wrong. It does not matter. I still want it. I still yearn for it. I feel stuck in a purgatory between two places. One is everything I have ever wanted & so good for me. The other is not. Oh, but the magnetism. It is insane. It is impossible to resist. To stay away from. To not think about. 

I feel lost. Like I do not even know who I am anymore. A simple choice. A firm decision & I could be found again. I am just not ready to let go yet.