These are all me right now. 😢
I could not agree more. When I lost my mom, I actually went into automatic. I did not even cry at her funeral. Now, over seven years later, my grief is by far the most painful feeling I have ever experienced. The ache is so unbelievably intense. It is something I would not even wish on my worst enemy.
I started a book Saturday night called “Grieving Mindfully”. A challenge I have faced is finding a book about grief that does not involve organized religion. This book does refer to Buddhism, however, it focuses much more on the mind & thought process. I have not gotten very far into the book, but what I have read so far has been incredibly helpful.
I have been on such an emotional roller coaster lately & I have so much I want to express, but it is late & I would rather make it a blog post in its own.
Sometimes, when everything becomes too much, too overwhelming, too confusing…I just need to take a step back. I need to recharge. I need to sort myself out. I get so lost in what is going on around me that I need to stop & refocus my energy into myself. My happiness.
I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster lately & trying to figure out why & placing the “blame” on the wrong things.
The truth is, I miss my mom. So much. & now that my heart is open & my guard is down, I’m feeling it so much more than I ever have. & for the first time ever, I know I need to step back, but I’m a healthy way. Not a “block out the world” way, but a “focus on myself” way.
I feel like this is half assed, but this is just a perfect example of how scattered my thoughts have been. All over the place & not complete. Very frustrating.