I haven’t posted in a loooonnnggg time. A lot has been going on, etc. etc. more excuses.
I feel like I have a ton of bricks sitting on my chest right now. Yesterday my husband was diagnosed with MS. This is following weeks of appointments which followed a week long hospital stay. To say I’m stressed is an understatement.
I’ve been crying daily. I can’t even control it. Sometimes 5 minutes here & there. Monday it lasted about an hour & a half. The thing is. I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR BREAKDOWNS!!! I have to work & take care of my kids & do my school work.
How do people function daily when they feel this way? & before meds are suggested…yup, already on them.
I just need to be able to breath.
I am constantly yearning for something that is missing. A closeness, a bond with someone. With anyone. I feel as though I’ve become desperate for this. But why? I am surrounded by people who I have a bond with. Hell, I have a husband. I have just felt so distant from everyone lately. I have even begun to miss friendships that ended years ago. Friendships that did not end in a good note. I have wondered why I am not satisfied with those relationships I have around me. What am I looking for that WILL leave me feeling satisfied? Shouldn’t I find that satisfaction within?
I need a change.
I need to learn to love myself. My flaws. My bad habits. My quirks. What I excel at. What I struggle with. My inside. My out. My insecurities. Every freckle. Every stretch mark. Every piece of my heart that feels broken. The sadness. The bitterness. The fear. The joy. The compassion.
Everything that is me.
This is something I astriggle with daily. Ever since I was little I have always felt like people will give up on me. It’s been a fear of mine. Abandonment. The sad thing is I am the one who is quickest to give up on me. 😔
These are all me right now. 😢