Lost.

I feel lost. Confused. Anxious. Always anxious. I am disappointed in myself. I know better. I know right from wrong. It does not matter. I still want it. I still yearn for it. I feel stuck in a purgatory between two places. One is everything I have ever wanted & so good for me. The other is not. Oh, but the magnetism. It is insane. It is impossible to resist. To stay away from. To not think about. 

I feel lost. Like I do not even know who I am anymore. A simple choice. A firm decision & I could be found again. I am just not ready to let go yet.