I have been in a much better place lately than I was. My awareness of my emotions is heightened which is helping me to keep myself in check. The anxiety attacks I was having almost daily have slowed. I have had one or two in a week and a half.
I have not put much research into Empaths, but what little I have seen regarding them, I feel like I have some tendencies. I feel like this is partly my problem. I am tuned into others and their feelings. Some more than others and especially those I care deeply for. It is exhausting though. Once school is out for the summer, I think I am going to research it a little more.
The past year and a half to two years feels like one big learning experience for me. I have learned so much about myself and others. I feel like I have grown immensely throughout this process as well. I have found a spirituality within myself that brings me peace. I do not believe in organized religion nor do I believe in a higher being. I believe in energy and the universe and this has brought me happiness. It is hard though to move forward from the things I was raised to believe. I have had a hard time freeing myself of guilt that I was taught to feel. I have had a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea of taboo things being okay. I am working toward embracing going with the flow, accepting feelings as they are, seeing people from a different perspective and not living within the boundaries society has set for me. If something feels right, then I am going to go for it. I am working towards trusting myself and my instincts.
This has not been an easy journey, but it has been worth it. I am in such an amazing place in my life right now. My relationship with my husband is better than it has ever been and I have supportive and wonderful family and friends. I am learning to set boundaries for myself while staying true to who I am.
All in all, I feel very happy today. Do not get me wrong, not everyday is a happy day for me, but days like today help me realize that there is hope on those bad days and that life does get better.